Beneath Your Superwoman

(I'm not proud of this. At all. I finally broke, and this is what I ended up in. But I don't regret it at all, because I'm so freaking happy after all of this.)
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This room is so empty
I wish you were here
As I look at the faces
Of my new friends
Their poor, tortured hearts
Their bruises
So much greater than mine.

It’s so bleak and solemn
As their strong façades fade
I can see that they’re broken
In so many ways.

This room is so quiet
I can hear myself shaking
But swear my shell won’t crack
Cause the hurt behind it
Might kill me
“Tell us,” Marguerite invites
Here, it’s okay to share.

It’s so bleak and solemn
As their strong façades fade
I can see that they’re broken
In so many ways.

This room is so sad
Smiles are scarce to none
I feel the crack
The plunge, as my heart opens
And I fall to the floor
I wish you were here to catch me
As all that hurt
Bubbles up like lava
Memories, they burn me.

It’s so bleak and solemn
When my façade fades
They all see I’m broken
In every single way.

Believe

This one's for you, Mom. I owe my great life now to you. Thanks, Mom. Even though you hurt me every day, you've made me who I am.

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Mother dear, don’t you see me cry?
Tears roll down, with a broken sigh
Mother dear, don’t you know?
I should have already let you go

It’s been so long
Since that fateful day
The night when you forever ran away
But I still love you with all my heart
I wish we hadn’t grown apart

I want someday, to see you again
In hopes that the holes in my heart will mend
I wish you could say you miss me, too
There’s not much more for me you could do

There are days when I think my tears will run out
When all my thoughts are of fear and doubt
There are times when it truly seems
That I’ll never, ever escape my dreams

No one understands this pain I’ve had
And for that I can be nothing but glad
I couldn’t wish upon others a hurt so deep
Like the memories that always take my sleep

Nowadays I just try to forget
But that’s something that my mind won’t let
And even though my feelings are numb
I’m still so proud of how far I’ve come

With some help from a dear friend
I know someday these nights will end
And I’ll be something better than this
Even if it’s you I miss

Mother dear, you can’t see me cry
Or sit and watch as my tears dry
But, mother dear, I’ll shine and glow
Maybe I don’t have to let you go.

What I See ?

It took me some time
To remember this well
Knowing these stories
That I often must tell.

It was like I forgot
Of happiness and fun
The night she took pills
And said she was done.

Or the nights filled with tears
Against the pain I fought
Searching and searching
For the answers I sought.

Or those phone calls she cried
Saying he hurt her so
As my tears ran too
Only daybreak saw them slow.

But now what I see
Is how to have fun
Over all my sorrows
I feel I’ve won.

I know what it’s like
When you understand
How you promised me love
And took me by the hand.

And I remember what it means
When a promise is kept
And though it may hurt
This pain I accept.

‘Cause if it means I’m with you
I’ll make my troubles all end
‘Cause you brought me happiness
And you’re my best friend.

Happy Birthday, Sam. Happy 1 Month. Love always.

Better Than Dreams

It doesn’t matter what they say
Because they don’t know
The way it feels
When I look at you.

When our fingers interlock
When our gazes meet
When you look at me, and kiss me so slow
It’s like magic
Pulsing through my veins.

When I read your words
Saying I’m never alone
And I truly believe them
Because I finally have you.

When our hands brush
In parting or passing
When we kiss goodbye
Only ‘till tomorrow
When you look at me
Like I’m truly beautiful
And I stare back, amazed
You’re really there
When we talk and I think
I’m living a dream
But you say it can’t be,
It’s so much better.

Each time in the darkness
With you leaning towards me
I feel my heart skip a beat
Because, in that split second
I know what’s to come.

And when we’re together
The world seems to stop
All I hear is the way you breathe
As I take in your sweet scent
And hope to always be this happy

Every one of these memories
I hold close to my heart
It doesn’t matter what they say
Because when I’m with you
I never want anything
But for you to be as happy
As me.

The Sky isn't the Limit

The wall is high,
High, high up in the sky,
It’s so high it’s above the sky,
Yet we climb and climb.

We make it far, almost over,
But the obstacle is too much,
We fall back down,
And yet we climb and climb.

As we fall to the ground,
We don’t try to get up,
But we must,
So we climb and climb.

The sky seems so far,
Too far to reach,
Every foot is like eternity,
But we climb and climb.

Once again we’re close to the top,
This time you’re by my side,
You push me up,
And I climb and climb.

And then you fall,
I watch you tumble and I go back,
And I’m no longer climbing,
No more climb and climb, but a steep fall for me.

There you are at the bottom of the wall,
Waiting for me,
We no longer need to the wall,
We no longer climb and climb

I hope you'll be there,
Making sure I don't climb,
The wall may be too large,
But I no longer have to climb and climb.

The wall is not an obstacle,
But a realization of me,
I’m my worst enemy,
And the sky isn’t my limit.

Goodbyes/Letting Go.

I can’t believe how long it’s been
More than a year
Since that fateful day
When you told me goodbye
Walked out of my life
That was the day I truly changed.

I thought you treated me so well
Through all those goodbyes
That were only till tomorrow
Now I see how wrong I was
You didn’t mean a word
Of all you said to me
Not a single I love you
Not even a hello
Did I really believe you
When you called me beautiful?

Now I have someone else
Who know to treat me right
He tells me that I’m beautiful
And smart and great and nice
All the things you used to say
That I stupidly believed
But there’s a difference
Between me and you or him and me.

I thought you treated me so well
Through all those goodbyes
That were only till tomorrow
Now I see how wrong I was
You didn’t mean a word
Of all you said to me
Not a single I love you
Not even a hello
Did I really believe you
When you called me beautiful?

I finally understand
We were only kids
We were so confused
Had no idea what came next.

In just this past year
I’ve grown to know so much more
And though it’s taken all this time
The months dragging by so slow
It’s finally the day I’ve realized
You’re my past and I need to
Let go.

Inside happiness doesn't exist

We need a change of pace, Sophia you've been writing everything. So I'll change it up a bit.

I look at you,
And you and you,
You are all so happy,
So careless,
So free,
I want to be like that,
I wish I could,
But inside I can’t,
I can’t seem to be,
My heart aches painfully,
And my head says no,
There is no chance for me,
Yet I can’t stop,
Why can’t I be like you guys?
So easy it seems to be,
But inside of me it isn’t,
It doesn’t seem to be.

I want to change,
I really do,
I want to be so happy,
Yet my head won’t let it be,
Please help me,
I need some help,
But no one seems to see,
I’ve never had that chance,
And that doesn’t seem fair,
But life doesn’t seem to care,
I know you say wait,
It’ll happen soon,
But none of you seem to care,
That it’s so hard for me,
To watch you all so happy,
While I almost die inside.

But that’s alright because I’m strong,
Or so I say to be,
In side I’m quite broken,
I’m sad and depressed,
I think of things I shouldn’t,
And dream terrible dreams.
It’s alright though,
Maybe I’ll be okay,
I might be happy someday,
But sorry, it’s not like you care.
And I’ve grown not to notice,
Yes I see you all smile,
However I realize now it won’t happen,
To someone like me,
Because I’m not like you,
I’m cracked inside,
I’m broken and not alright,
I try to change with all my heart,
But it doesn’t seem to care.

So I have finally gotten some courage,
To say what I’ve been hiding,
I’m not happy at all,
And I’m almost crying inside.
But I’ll stand strong and watch,
As you all enjoy,
Because deep down I’m happy for you all,
I just wish you could see the same for me.

This one's for you, Sam. I love you.

How I Love You
(This One's For You, Sam)

It's so quiet
Alone in this big field
They've gone off ahead
Don't even know
They've left us
I can hear them
I bet you can, too
But we say nothing about it.
You smile at me,
But I know you're broken inside
Everything feels so lonely
Because I have to break someone else.
But your arm is suddenly there
Around me, protecting me
For a time,
Everything feels okay.

It's freezing, running across
From the bleachers to the parking lot.
You have places to be
But you walk so far by my side
Your arm is there again
Keeping me warm
Protecting me.
This part of town
It isn't good to be here so late at night
You stand there, refuse to move
Until you know I'm safe.
The neon sign blinks above you
You tell me to get in the car
Keep warm
You'll see me tomorrow.

There he is, acting like a fool
I can't look, but I can't turn away
You take me in your arms
Watch me cry
As another part of my past
Slips away, so painfully.
"The past," you whisper, "for a reason."
And as a slow song comes on
Everyone leaves
And your arm is still there
Protecting me, as my tears dry.

We talk all night, for so many nights
Everyone says
We look like we're in love
Everyone but us can see it
We're so
Clueless.

I've lost you, for a few days
Walk around with my head down,
As I finally see
How I love you.
"I miss you," I say. "So, so much."
Those days pass
And I find you again.
A hug, smile, laugh
Aren't we just friends?
We walk out together
Your hand is there, free
So I touch it, so gently
And you hold on tight
Our fingers interlock
And I'm finally, finally
Happy.

Better Every Day(:

Yeah. This one is for you, Dan. I don't care if you know.

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I've had so many chances
I get better every day
But I miss you so and
Every day that we pass
I see your face and I know
You'll never feel the same way.
I know I'm high matience
And I know I complain
But you didn't care enough
To let my heart remain intact
To say it nicely
To bandage the hurt
Instead of deeping the cuts.
You tore open my heart
And now I play it safe
I never get up my nerves
To raise up my hopes
That's the gift you gave.
I can't wish there was more
Because if you start wishing
You're bound to be hurt
And I really couldn't say if I could
Go through that many more times
And end up okay.

Do you remember...?

Do you remember
The Day we first spoke?
I do.

Do you remember
All those messages that said
I love you?
The first time I heard you laugh?
Our first hug?
Our first date?
Our first kiss?
The way we held hands
Like it was truly special,
Not something we did every day.
I do.

Do you remember
The last time you said
ILOVEYOU and meant it?
I do.

Do you remember
The day you said goodbye?
I do.

Uhmmm I dont know what this is?

No one likes a girl who lives in her past
But I don’t know how long we can make this last
And I know we’re meant to go our separate ways
And now all it is, is counting the days
Till he comes to realize he hates me so
And he knows its time to let me go
I wish it weren’t true, the voice at night
But these are the feelings I can’t fight
Maybe its true I love another still
And this is only time to kill.

Nostalgia at its greatest...

This one's for you, Dan. What we had will always be a part of me. I hope you accomplish everything you want. This was just a time when I wish I was a part of that.

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Together we were wonderous
Every minute, second, hour
You were always on my mind.

Now you're gone
Ripped from my grasp
A piece of my heart torn away
To travel with you wherever you go
In your pocket.

I still think of you
So much
All the time
The nostalgia, all that's left of you.

So horribly amazing
And bittersweet
It makes me cry
But keeps me alive.

Everyday I wait
To forget about you
To go a night without asking
"Weren't we meant to be?"
To go a minute without thinking
"I wish you didn't leave me..."

Past Our Sky – The Story of How the Sun Came To Be

YAY MYTHS!



Many years ago, if any person could look far past our sky, it was there that they would see it: the high walls of bright blue that stand behind a veil of clouds. Inside, there was the Sky Kingdom. There, in a palace of the same bright blue, sat a great and powerful ruler upon his throne. He, who ruled the Kingdoms of the Earth and Sky, was the King.
The King was unlike any other in the Sky nor on the Earth. From his palms and the soles of his feet came rays of light, and from beneath his skin came a heat so great, it would burn any other who dared to touch him. But, as any being with an over abundance of power, the King had become esurient for it, longing to control every living being upon his kingdoms.
The Earth knew little of light at the King’s time of greed, as he rarely wandered beyond the walls of the Sky, to share with the beings upon the Earth his rays of light. All the same, the Sky knew only of the overpowering heat and light emanating from the King.
The Earth had frozen deeply and to the core, every last creature upon its surface barely able to live. When the King saw that one of his Kingdoms had collapsed, he looked to the farthest corner of the sky, calling out to the only ruler with more power than he, saying:
“Why do you let my Kingdom of Earth die? Why do you allow this to happen? Are they not important to you as they are to me?”
The most powerful ruler of all responded, saying, “I care for your Kingdom as much as you. You do not care for them, but only what they can do for you.”
“You tell lies,” the King replied, becoming angry. “Lies!”
The most powerful ruler, however, remained calm.
“I tell no lies, and never will I,” he told the King.
“YOU LIE! YOU KNOW NOTHING OF ME!” the King became more angry, and more angry yet. The heat of his skin began to rise, and rise, until, suddenly, he saw his Sky Kingdom begin to vanish. “No!” he cried out, in anguish. “My kingdom! My only surviving Kingdom!”
The most powerful ruler looked upon the King, crying out as the last of his Sky Kingdom shattered and vanished around him. Its inhabitants began falling through the veil of clouds, upon the frozen ground of the Earth.
“You have destroyed both Kingdoms which I have given to you. For this, you will be punished. You will sit forever in the sky among the clouds, giving heat and light to the earth, to repay the inhabitants of your former Kingdoms for the damage you have done.”
And so the Earth Kingdom warmed from the tundra it had become. Though the Sky Kingdom was never again rebuilt, the King still sits among the clouds, giving heat and light to all the inhabitants of the Earth.
Look up to the sky, and you will see him, still burning with fury. The Sun.

My mom & I.

She lays upon you
This new life
So innocent
It hurts to think
So soon, too soon
She’ll have to be hurt
Learn her lessons
Be broken

She closes her eyes
Drifts off to sleep
So tiny, so fragile
It’s hard to imagine
Her out in the world
Without being crushed to pieces

But she can do it
As she grows
You teach her right
Know what she needs
That little new life
May break away
But never will she forget

She isn’t lost
Because it’s her you found
On the other side
Of the universe
You think she forgets
Forgets it all
The good, the bad
The gray

But when life pushes her down
You build her back up
You make her

PERFECT
IN
EVERY
WAY.

It

I fear It is back

although I cannot explain

how, why or when

It came

although I have tried

to keep It at bay

It always can find

a way to come back

every time It comes quicker

more intense with each strike

It won’t surrender

until It has won

forever

Free Falling Through it All

Help me
I’m falling
These colors blurring
So fast
The dimensions
They’re going
Not falling
Along

Help me
I’m falling
And everything hurts
They’ve already left
Long before this
They don’t care
They don’t know
My pain isn’t enough

Help me
I’m falling
And it’s one of those times
When everything around
Comes crashing down
And all you want
Is a little

HELP?

Hiding.....?

You think our lives
Aren’t intertwined
We don’t have pasts
To leave behind.

Don’t you see
It’s our façade
Cover up our hurt
With a smile and nod.

We love our families
Lives and riches
But the holes in our hearts
Can’t be laced over with stitches.

I’m so weak
When I cry through the night
Every hour, minute, second
It’s these feelings I fight.

We’re all so much loved
By these people at our side
Why then, do we feel
The feelings we hide?

Do you see?
It’s shackles at my feet
Knowing she left me
The mother I’ll never meet.

From me, to you.

I’ll never trust no one
Not in my life
But you can’t worry about me
When you’re not alright.

It hurts more to see
The tears in your eyes
Than it does in the mirror
When they reflect back in mine.

I want to help you
So freaking bad
It’ll help me forget
All the pain that I’ve had.

Maybe you can’t now
Do I understand why?
Maybe I do
But I can’t watch you cry.

Nothing in the world
Will ever be set
Exactly how you want
Or how others expect.

You need to smile, look up
Remember you’re great
Because when I think of you
I know our friendship was fate.

the seemingly perfect life

They always say

you live the perfect life

you've never had to

make a sacrifice

and the worst thing is

you know that its true

they all have it worse

worse than you

So you start to believe

that the pain can't be real

there is no reason to feel

what you think you feel

But when the tears start coming

you just get up and go

you hide behind a smile

and no one seems to know

because support can help

but it doesn't heal

it will all come back

the pain you feel

The smile on their faces

you just can't help but cry

the happiness they found

makes you die inside

then that makes you feel

like you not a good friend

but how do they find

happiness in the end?

so you tell you self

be quiet and hide

the "unnecessary" pain

that you feel inside

But when the tears start coming

you just get up and go

you hide behind a smile

and no one seems to know

because support can help

but it doesn't heal

it will all come back

the pain you feel

Dreams.

“Shhh. Shhh.” Her hair is the color of the sky that burning, dark night. Her face is unreadable through the shadows, her features undefined as she looks down to the cloth in her arms. “Shhh.”

Was she beautiful? Do I look like her? In a crowded room, would I be able to point her out?

The city is bustling, though it must be late. She is rushing, for reasons unknown. She glances down to the cloth bundle in her arms.

How long had she been planning this? Did she know what she was doing?

“Shh. Shhh. Zhè shì zhèngcháng de.” Her voice is so quiet, speaking to the cloth in her arms. The city is in constant motion. So is she.

Did she really say this, or would I like to think she has? Distorted, that is what it is.

There are two buildings, side by side. Between them, a space of a foot, maybe two. Trash, not large amounts like most of the city, litters the burning cement.

Did she know what could’ve happened? Did she even care?

She ducks into this tiny alleyway. It is so dark, serious. She bends down, places the cloth bundle in a place among the trash.

No…

She peels back the blanket, just a bit. Tiny eyes, staring up. She turns away, leaving all this. All that could’ve happened, all that did not.

What was it about me? Why did she want this badly for me to be rid of?

There is this new life, crying out, now. Lost, not yet found. The sounds of the city drown out all the loss of that little alleyway.

When I see her leave me, I know I’m such a waste of a person.