My mom & I.

She lays upon you
This new life
So innocent
It hurts to think
So soon, too soon
She’ll have to be hurt
Learn her lessons
Be broken

She closes her eyes
Drifts off to sleep
So tiny, so fragile
It’s hard to imagine
Her out in the world
Without being crushed to pieces

But she can do it
As she grows
You teach her right
Know what she needs
That little new life
May break away
But never will she forget

She isn’t lost
Because it’s her you found
On the other side
Of the universe
You think she forgets
Forgets it all
The good, the bad
The gray

But when life pushes her down
You build her back up
You make her

PERFECT
IN
EVERY
WAY.

It

I fear It is back

although I cannot explain

how, why or when

It came

although I have tried

to keep It at bay

It always can find

a way to come back

every time It comes quicker

more intense with each strike

It won’t surrender

until It has won

forever

Free Falling Through it All

Help me
I’m falling
These colors blurring
So fast
The dimensions
They’re going
Not falling
Along

Help me
I’m falling
And everything hurts
They’ve already left
Long before this
They don’t care
They don’t know
My pain isn’t enough

Help me
I’m falling
And it’s one of those times
When everything around
Comes crashing down
And all you want
Is a little

HELP?

Hiding.....?

You think our lives
Aren’t intertwined
We don’t have pasts
To leave behind.

Don’t you see
It’s our façade
Cover up our hurt
With a smile and nod.

We love our families
Lives and riches
But the holes in our hearts
Can’t be laced over with stitches.

I’m so weak
When I cry through the night
Every hour, minute, second
It’s these feelings I fight.

We’re all so much loved
By these people at our side
Why then, do we feel
The feelings we hide?

Do you see?
It’s shackles at my feet
Knowing she left me
The mother I’ll never meet.

From me, to you.

I’ll never trust no one
Not in my life
But you can’t worry about me
When you’re not alright.

It hurts more to see
The tears in your eyes
Than it does in the mirror
When they reflect back in mine.

I want to help you
So freaking bad
It’ll help me forget
All the pain that I’ve had.

Maybe you can’t now
Do I understand why?
Maybe I do
But I can’t watch you cry.

Nothing in the world
Will ever be set
Exactly how you want
Or how others expect.

You need to smile, look up
Remember you’re great
Because when I think of you
I know our friendship was fate.

the seemingly perfect life

They always say

you live the perfect life

you've never had to

make a sacrifice

and the worst thing is

you know that its true

they all have it worse

worse than you

So you start to believe

that the pain can't be real

there is no reason to feel

what you think you feel

But when the tears start coming

you just get up and go

you hide behind a smile

and no one seems to know

because support can help

but it doesn't heal

it will all come back

the pain you feel

The smile on their faces

you just can't help but cry

the happiness they found

makes you die inside

then that makes you feel

like you not a good friend

but how do they find

happiness in the end?

so you tell you self

be quiet and hide

the "unnecessary" pain

that you feel inside

But when the tears start coming

you just get up and go

you hide behind a smile

and no one seems to know

because support can help

but it doesn't heal

it will all come back

the pain you feel

Dreams.

“Shhh. Shhh.” Her hair is the color of the sky that burning, dark night. Her face is unreadable through the shadows, her features undefined as she looks down to the cloth in her arms. “Shhh.”

Was she beautiful? Do I look like her? In a crowded room, would I be able to point her out?

The city is bustling, though it must be late. She is rushing, for reasons unknown. She glances down to the cloth bundle in her arms.

How long had she been planning this? Did she know what she was doing?

“Shh. Shhh. Zhè shì zhèngcháng de.” Her voice is so quiet, speaking to the cloth in her arms. The city is in constant motion. So is she.

Did she really say this, or would I like to think she has? Distorted, that is what it is.

There are two buildings, side by side. Between them, a space of a foot, maybe two. Trash, not large amounts like most of the city, litters the burning cement.

Did she know what could’ve happened? Did she even care?

She ducks into this tiny alleyway. It is so dark, serious. She bends down, places the cloth bundle in a place among the trash.

No…

She peels back the blanket, just a bit. Tiny eyes, staring up. She turns away, leaving all this. All that could’ve happened, all that did not.

What was it about me? Why did she want this badly for me to be rid of?

There is this new life, crying out, now. Lost, not yet found. The sounds of the city drown out all the loss of that little alleyway.

When I see her leave me, I know I’m such a waste of a person.