Beneath Your Superwoman

(I'm not proud of this. At all. I finally broke, and this is what I ended up in. But I don't regret it at all, because I'm so freaking happy after all of this.)
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This room is so empty
I wish you were here
As I look at the faces
Of my new friends
Their poor, tortured hearts
Their bruises
So much greater than mine.

It’s so bleak and solemn
As their strong façades fade
I can see that they’re broken
In so many ways.

This room is so quiet
I can hear myself shaking
But swear my shell won’t crack
Cause the hurt behind it
Might kill me
“Tell us,” Marguerite invites
Here, it’s okay to share.

It’s so bleak and solemn
As their strong façades fade
I can see that they’re broken
In so many ways.

This room is so sad
Smiles are scarce to none
I feel the crack
The plunge, as my heart opens
And I fall to the floor
I wish you were here to catch me
As all that hurt
Bubbles up like lava
Memories, they burn me.

It’s so bleak and solemn
When my façade fades
They all see I’m broken
In every single way.

Believe

This one's for you, Mom. I owe my great life now to you. Thanks, Mom. Even though you hurt me every day, you've made me who I am.

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Mother dear, don’t you see me cry?
Tears roll down, with a broken sigh
Mother dear, don’t you know?
I should have already let you go

It’s been so long
Since that fateful day
The night when you forever ran away
But I still love you with all my heart
I wish we hadn’t grown apart

I want someday, to see you again
In hopes that the holes in my heart will mend
I wish you could say you miss me, too
There’s not much more for me you could do

There are days when I think my tears will run out
When all my thoughts are of fear and doubt
There are times when it truly seems
That I’ll never, ever escape my dreams

No one understands this pain I’ve had
And for that I can be nothing but glad
I couldn’t wish upon others a hurt so deep
Like the memories that always take my sleep

Nowadays I just try to forget
But that’s something that my mind won’t let
And even though my feelings are numb
I’m still so proud of how far I’ve come

With some help from a dear friend
I know someday these nights will end
And I’ll be something better than this
Even if it’s you I miss

Mother dear, you can’t see me cry
Or sit and watch as my tears dry
But, mother dear, I’ll shine and glow
Maybe I don’t have to let you go.

What I See ?

It took me some time
To remember this well
Knowing these stories
That I often must tell.

It was like I forgot
Of happiness and fun
The night she took pills
And said she was done.

Or the nights filled with tears
Against the pain I fought
Searching and searching
For the answers I sought.

Or those phone calls she cried
Saying he hurt her so
As my tears ran too
Only daybreak saw them slow.

But now what I see
Is how to have fun
Over all my sorrows
I feel I’ve won.

I know what it’s like
When you understand
How you promised me love
And took me by the hand.

And I remember what it means
When a promise is kept
And though it may hurt
This pain I accept.

‘Cause if it means I’m with you
I’ll make my troubles all end
‘Cause you brought me happiness
And you’re my best friend.

Happy Birthday, Sam. Happy 1 Month. Love always.

Better Than Dreams

It doesn’t matter what they say
Because they don’t know
The way it feels
When I look at you.

When our fingers interlock
When our gazes meet
When you look at me, and kiss me so slow
It’s like magic
Pulsing through my veins.

When I read your words
Saying I’m never alone
And I truly believe them
Because I finally have you.

When our hands brush
In parting or passing
When we kiss goodbye
Only ‘till tomorrow
When you look at me
Like I’m truly beautiful
And I stare back, amazed
You’re really there
When we talk and I think
I’m living a dream
But you say it can’t be,
It’s so much better.

Each time in the darkness
With you leaning towards me
I feel my heart skip a beat
Because, in that split second
I know what’s to come.

And when we’re together
The world seems to stop
All I hear is the way you breathe
As I take in your sweet scent
And hope to always be this happy

Every one of these memories
I hold close to my heart
It doesn’t matter what they say
Because when I’m with you
I never want anything
But for you to be as happy
As me.

The Sky isn't the Limit

The wall is high,
High, high up in the sky,
It’s so high it’s above the sky,
Yet we climb and climb.

We make it far, almost over,
But the obstacle is too much,
We fall back down,
And yet we climb and climb.

As we fall to the ground,
We don’t try to get up,
But we must,
So we climb and climb.

The sky seems so far,
Too far to reach,
Every foot is like eternity,
But we climb and climb.

Once again we’re close to the top,
This time you’re by my side,
You push me up,
And I climb and climb.

And then you fall,
I watch you tumble and I go back,
And I’m no longer climbing,
No more climb and climb, but a steep fall for me.

There you are at the bottom of the wall,
Waiting for me,
We no longer need to the wall,
We no longer climb and climb

I hope you'll be there,
Making sure I don't climb,
The wall may be too large,
But I no longer have to climb and climb.

The wall is not an obstacle,
But a realization of me,
I’m my worst enemy,
And the sky isn’t my limit.

Goodbyes/Letting Go.

I can’t believe how long it’s been
More than a year
Since that fateful day
When you told me goodbye
Walked out of my life
That was the day I truly changed.

I thought you treated me so well
Through all those goodbyes
That were only till tomorrow
Now I see how wrong I was
You didn’t mean a word
Of all you said to me
Not a single I love you
Not even a hello
Did I really believe you
When you called me beautiful?

Now I have someone else
Who know to treat me right
He tells me that I’m beautiful
And smart and great and nice
All the things you used to say
That I stupidly believed
But there’s a difference
Between me and you or him and me.

I thought you treated me so well
Through all those goodbyes
That were only till tomorrow
Now I see how wrong I was
You didn’t mean a word
Of all you said to me
Not a single I love you
Not even a hello
Did I really believe you
When you called me beautiful?

I finally understand
We were only kids
We were so confused
Had no idea what came next.

In just this past year
I’ve grown to know so much more
And though it’s taken all this time
The months dragging by so slow
It’s finally the day I’ve realized
You’re my past and I need to
Let go.

Inside happiness doesn't exist

We need a change of pace, Sophia you've been writing everything. So I'll change it up a bit.

I look at you,
And you and you,
You are all so happy,
So careless,
So free,
I want to be like that,
I wish I could,
But inside I can’t,
I can’t seem to be,
My heart aches painfully,
And my head says no,
There is no chance for me,
Yet I can’t stop,
Why can’t I be like you guys?
So easy it seems to be,
But inside of me it isn’t,
It doesn’t seem to be.

I want to change,
I really do,
I want to be so happy,
Yet my head won’t let it be,
Please help me,
I need some help,
But no one seems to see,
I’ve never had that chance,
And that doesn’t seem fair,
But life doesn’t seem to care,
I know you say wait,
It’ll happen soon,
But none of you seem to care,
That it’s so hard for me,
To watch you all so happy,
While I almost die inside.

But that’s alright because I’m strong,
Or so I say to be,
In side I’m quite broken,
I’m sad and depressed,
I think of things I shouldn’t,
And dream terrible dreams.
It’s alright though,
Maybe I’ll be okay,
I might be happy someday,
But sorry, it’s not like you care.
And I’ve grown not to notice,
Yes I see you all smile,
However I realize now it won’t happen,
To someone like me,
Because I’m not like you,
I’m cracked inside,
I’m broken and not alright,
I try to change with all my heart,
But it doesn’t seem to care.

So I have finally gotten some courage,
To say what I’ve been hiding,
I’m not happy at all,
And I’m almost crying inside.
But I’ll stand strong and watch,
As you all enjoy,
Because deep down I’m happy for you all,
I just wish you could see the same for me.